The Five Stages of Sleep Training

Denial

He sleeps fine! No need to sleep train. I nurse him a few minutes and boom! Out like a light. Sure, he wakes a few times to eat at night, but he just falls right back to sleep. No problem. Sleep training is unnecessary and cruel. He needs his mommy, 24 hours a day, and I AM HERE FOR HIM.

Anger

What is going on?!? Nothing I do will put this baby to sleep. Every naptime and bedtime is a battle. And I can't believe he was awake from 3-4am for NO REASON. Again. Curse you, sleep gods! Where the f*ck is the f*cking coffee?!?

Bargaining 

OK, if you start sleeping through the night, I will never make you take another nap again. Or, not even the whole night. If you just wake up to eat but then go right back to sleep like you used to, that's fine. And also, I'll buy you a pony. And a car. Just, please, SLEEP!

Depression

Oh dear Lord, I'm going to be rocking this child to sleep until he's in college. Why is this happening to me? I just want to sleep. 

 

Acceptance

I am really, really over this. Kid needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, one way or the other. Where are those sleep training books?