5 Things You Might Lose During Pregnancy

....other than your mind.

Your organs.

By month 9, it seems like baby is everywhere--kicking you in the ribs, headbutting your pubic bone, punching you in the belly button. So . . . where's everything that used to be in your abdomen?? Apparently it's all still squished in there, which is why you feel stomach grumbles under your lungs and you get indigestion from the blandest food. Things have slowed waaaaaaaay down as your food struggles to find its way through the new maze that is your internal organs. Tip: avoid soy. It takes an effort to digest when you're not pregnant . . .

Your ankles

If you didn't have cankles before pregnancy, you probably will by month 9. And it's got nothing to do with all that Valentine's Day candy you've been chomping. (Well, maybe not nothing.) You're full of all kinds of extra fluids, and since very few of us are employed in a career that involves keeping our feet above our heads, you'll find it pooling up in your legs and feet by the end of the day. They say to drink plenty of water and cut back on salt. I haven't found this to be particularly helpful, but hey, give it a shot.

Your breasts

You still have breasts, but they're not yours. They're somebody else's, clearly. They're larger, oddly shaped, criss-crossed with bright blue veins and sometimes painful. You have to buy new bras to rein them in. And rumor has it you'll get a whole new set of someone else's breasts when you start breastfeeding!

Your fashion sense

Remember before you got pregnant, you would look at pregnant women in over-sized tshirts and yoga pants and think, "I won't be that lazy about dressing when I'm pregnant!"? Here's the secret: it's not laziness. Well, in some cases it might be. But no matter how diligent you are about dressing well, by month 9, your clothes simply do. not. fit. Maternity shirts are too short to cover your protruding belly, and elastic waist pants will expand to accommodate your belly, but not your butt. Don't even get me started on shoes. And who's going to buy new, bigger maternity clothes when you're going to give birth in a month? No one. Unless maybe you're independently wealthy. Which brings me to the last point . . .

Your paycheck

Babies cost money. 

The end.

Mom-saver Mondays: Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day

The grocery store is quite possibly my least favorite place in the entire world.

And I don't even have kids yet.

It's just so full of stupid people doing stupid things.

• Wandering about aimlessly, like they're not sure why they're there.
• Bringing their entire extended family with them so the 8 of them can stand in the cookie aisle arguing with each other about Oreos vs. Hydrox.
• Abandoning their carts smack in the middle of the aisle while they stare glassy-eyed at the pasta selection.
• Arguing with the cashier about a $.02 price difference on a dented can of beans.

Grrrrr.

My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it.

Needless to say, I try to limit my trips to the grocery store as much as possible, and I'm sure this will be doubly true after baby arrives.

The problem with that is foods that really need to be purchased fresh. Like bread.

Mmmmm. Fresh bread.  

I could eat it for every meal.

And with a bare minimum of effort, you can too. Even with a baby!

Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking 

This homemade bread method is nothing short of brilliant.

You do need a few tools, one of which is a bread stone. They can be pricey, so check the thrift store. 

Then, a pizza peel, which is like an enormous spatula, and all of $15. 

And a lidded, non-airtight dough bucket, because if you put the dough in an airtight tupperware, it will explode. Or something.

Dump your ingredients together, mix 'em up (pathetically easy if you have a stand mixer with a dough hook), and toss your dough in the bucket. Ten minutes. When it's done rising, pop it in the fridge for up to 14 days.

When you want fresh bread, you just lop off a hunk of dough, take literally 20 seconds to shape it into something resembling a loaf, and then let it sit there on your pizza peel while you feed your baby or do your 18th load of laundry of the day. Then you toss it onto the bread stone, which you've preheated along with the oven. 

You barely need to be awake to do this.

Your husband could easily be tasked with it as well, it's that easy.

I usually get 3 loaves of bread out of their standard recipe, though they claim it makes 4.

And, sure, the best loaf is the one I make right away, before refrigerating the dough. But the other 2 are still quite tasty. 

There are also recipes in here for various fancy breads which maybe you'll have time to make when your baby starts preschool, but the basic boule is versatile and easy as pie. 

It sure beats going to the grocery store. 

Note: I have not been compensated in any way for this review. I have not been given a free product, as lovely as that would be. In the future, should you want to offer me things for free to review, go for it. For now, anything I review was paid for out of my own pocket, and I offer the review out of the goodness of my heart.

...and 5 Pretty Cute Ones

(If you forget that they're, you know, poo-catchers shaped like a dessert.)

Source: repinly.com via Bambi on Pinterest

Darling and classic 

Source: momswhothink.com via Angela on Pinterest

Yes, distract from the diapers with an adorable stuffed animal! 

Source: babyfavorsandgifts.com via BabyFavorsAndGifts on Pinterest

Tricycle cakes: creative, but not insane. 

Source: catchmyparty.com via Sara on Pinterest

Owls improve just about anything. 

Source: crazyfordesign.blogspot.com via Christa on Pinterest

I approve the "sock topiary" as a delightful alternative to the diaper cake.

5 Really Weird Diaper Cakes . ..

As if poo-receptacles arranged to look like edible treats weren't weird enough, these bizarre "cakes" . . . uh,

take the cake.

Source: coveredincrafts.blogspot.com via Joan on Pinterest

OK, the thing with "wonky" cakes is that the balance is impressive. Anyone can throw together some diapers haphazardly.

Source: parenting.com via Tiffanie on Pinterest

Oh, Lord, an actual cake, shaped like a diaper. NO ONE WANTS TO EAT THIS!

Source: catchmyparty.com via Kelsey on Pinterest

For a . . . boxing-themed baby shower? It's NOT the greatest . . .

Source: blowoutparty.com via ☆ Jevel Party Planning | on Pinterest

I don't think these people were even trying.

Source: babyfavorsandgifts.com via BabyFavorsAndGifts on Pinterest

???

Freak Out: Target Recalls "Unsafe" PJs!

This week I'm sorry to tell you that Target apparently forgot that babies aren't fireproof, and a bunch of their pjs don't meet flammability standards.

"This recall involves Target Circo and Xhilaration children's cotton or cotton/fleece two-piece pajama sets. They were sold in infant and toddler sizes 12M, 2T, 3T, 4T and 5T, and in girls and boys sizes XS, S, M, L and XL."

I'm a terrible mom-to-be, so it never really occurred to me that there were Federal Flammability Standards, and this doesn't really clear up how these standards work:

"The children's cotton or cotton/fleece pajamas sets fail to meet the federal flammability standards for children's sleepwear, because they do not meet the tight-fitting sizing requirements. This poses a burn hazard to children."

Wait . . . wouldn't it be the parents' responsibility to make sure the pajamas are "tight-fitting"? All babies are different, babies of the exact same age will fit in their clothes quite differently--you can't just slap "0-3 months" on there and expect them to fit all 2 months old babies.

"The items also came with a yellow hangtag stating, "For child's safety, garment should fit snugly. This garment is not flame resistant. Loose-fitting garment is more likely to catch fire."

So, these pjs even come with instructions about fit, and a warning about flammability?  What exactly did Target fail to do here--add an audio warning that goes off the instant you put these things on your kid? Come to your house directly to inspect for fire hazards?? Clearly Target has failed miserably here.

Should you find any of these death traps in your home, be sure to return them to Target right away for a full refund. In the meantime, stop dropping those lit cigarettes into your baby's crib!

A Woman and Her Snoogle: A Love/Hate Relationship

I often wonder which is worse: having a newborn, and therefore having far fewer opportunities for sleep; or being in your third trimester and being unable to get a good night's sleep, despite numerous opportunities.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

(And for the record, I plan to shamelessly "sleep when the baby sleeps," no matter what my house looks like.)

I've always favored stomach sleeping, so I knew pregnancy would present a challenge.

(I've never been a back sleeper, which I guess is ok because sleeping on your back while pregnant might kill you. Or turn you into a zombie. Or something. I don't remember the details, just the "no back sleeping" part.)

But side sleeping was working out fairly well, until early in the third trimester. 

That's when I started being awakened in the night by stabbing pains in my hips and lower back.

(I had a sneaking suspicion that my husband was actually jabbing me with a fork, then rolling over and feigning sleep, but upon further inspection, he appeared to be fork-less.)

It seems all that side sleeping, combined with a growing baby pressing on your nerves and pushing your bones out of place, can lead to horrific pain that interrupts your sleep, at just that crucial time period when everyone and their brother is telling you to sleep like you've never slept before.

A pillow between the knees did little for me, so I dropped $50 on the well-reviewed Snoogle. 

The reason this post isn't appearing on "Mom-saver Mondays" is because I honestly can't decide whether the Snoogle is my best friend, or my worst enemy. 

I mean, it really helps me sleep . . . except when it doesn't.

Generally, our nighttime routine goes something like this.

Phase 1: Wrestle Snoogle into place under the covers, then try to climb into bed over it. Fail miserably. Pick self up off floor to attempt entry #2. Fold Snoogle out of the way, scoot under it, then spend 10 minutes pushing and shoving it into place.

Phase 2: Ahhhh! Snoogle is in perfect position--1 end under head, the other tucked between knees and thighs, and long side tucked firmly behind back. This is the most comfortable I've ever been.

Phase 3 (15 minutes later): Why does this pillow make my ear hurt?? So weird. Push head end off to the side and use regular pillow.

Phase 4 (about 2 hours later):  One side of nose is stuffed. In the interest of breathing, struggle to roll over and resituate self and Snoogle. Finally get comfortable enough to doze off.

Phase 5 (10 minutes later): Crap. I have to pee. Peel back covers, shove top half of Snoogle to the side, scoot under it, half-tumble out of bed and make way to the bathroom. Upon return to bed, repeat Phase 1.

(Note: Phase 5 may repeat during Phases 6 and/or 7.)

Phase 6 (several hours later): Awaken to stabbing back pains. Snoogle has been kicked out of place and top half is dangling over nightstand, threatening to knock several piles of crap onto the floor. Haul it back in to bed and squash under self. 

Phase 7 (rest of the night): Brief periods of restful, relatively pain-free sleep, interrupted every time body feels the need to roll over and finds Snoogle blocking the way. Spend far too many minutes awake, reaccommodating Snoogle. Finally grow so frustrated with Snoogle, throw it out of bed around 6am, and sleep for another 30 minutes, propping top knee on annoyed husband.

So, to sum up, it really does help alleviate hip and back pain, but causes so many other frustrations, it's hard to decide if it's worth it. I go to bed with it every night, ready to write it a love poem, and wake up every morning ready to chuck it out the window.

(Insert obvious "Kinda like my husband" joke here.)

Harry Potter Nursery Reveal

Parents often spend a lot of time decorating baby's nursery, which is of course silly because:

1) Baby usually sleeps in a bassinet in mom and dad's room for the first few months;

2) Baby really does not care.

Still, a themed-nursery seemed like a fun project to tackle while we waited around for baby, so we picked out a nursery theme that we would enjoy, and hopefully baby will grow into. 

And aside from the actual furniture, it didn't cost us too much cash either. 

Welcome to the Leaky Cauldron!

  

Quidditch broom, poster, decals.

 

Ravenclaw blanket; dragon; owl decal; poster.

Decal, poster.

 

Wall scroll, Dumbledore quote.

 

Owl lamp

The house colors blanket was crocheted by an awesome friend. The poster frames I picked up at Michael's, on sale for $8/ea.

The last themed-item we plan to get is a toy chest, like this one, that looks a bit like Harry's traveling trunk. At this point, baby doesn't have enough toys to make it a necessity, though I expect that will change quickly.

I do have a few additional decor ideas up my sleeve, should we decide we need to kick the Harry Potter up a notch . . . 

A sorting hat.

This sign.

A dragon mobile.

The Tri-wizard Tournament cup.

These amazing travel posters.

Or a super expensive map of Diagon Alley.

But for now, we're satisfied.

Mom-saver Mondays: Non-sucky Maternity Jeans

If jeans are hard to purchase when not gestating, they're even more obnoxious to deal with while you're pregnant. 

The options are fewer, for starters, and the sizing is even more grotesque, because companies are trying to shove as many body types as possible into about 4 standard sizes.

The easiest way to do this is apparently to sew an enormous elastic panel around the waist band, which all preggos can grow into.

It reaches your armpits.

It rolls down constantly.

It's synthetic and doesn't breath.

And it doesn't even hold the jeans up.

In short, I hate "full panel" jeans, or pants of any kind.

Thankfully, early in my pregnancy I found Old Navy demi panel jeans.

Let me acknowledge that, no, they're not perfect. They don't stay in place as well as normal jeans, so you still have to do the tug-and-walk.

But as far as maternity jeans go, they're my top choice.

The panel expands around your belly, or rides under it as you get bigger.

They come in a couple of styles and washes (even skinny jeans!).

They come in actual sizes, rather than sm/med/lg. 

They don't shrink in the wash.

And while the MSRP is around $40, I've never paid more than $25 for a pair.

So, if you have to wear an elastic waistband like a five-year-old, I highly recommend these as your least repulsive option.

Note: I have not been compensated in any way for this review. I have not been given a free product, as lovely as that would be. In the future, should you want to offer me things for free to review, go for it. For now, anything I review was paid for out of my own pocket, and I offer the review out of the goodness of my heart.

. . . and 5 Pretty Cute Ones

It's true, maternity clothes CAN be adorable and flattering!

Source: isabellaoliver.com via Grace on Pinterest

No unnecessary extra puffiness.

Source: zigoti.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Cardigans work before, during and after pregnancy!

Source: novembergrey.blogspot.com via BlogHer on Pinterest

Sundresses are amazing for summer pregnancies--so comfortable.

Source: refinery29.com via Hannah on Pinterest

With a suit this cute, you won't want to skip the beach!

Source: tiffanyrose.com via Joseph Leda on Pinterest

And you can still look gorgeous at fancy parties.

5 Truly Awful Maternity Outfits . . .

As if being pregnant weren't hard enough. 

Source: shopbop.com via Dominique on Pinterest

Shortcut: cut arm holes in a white kitchen trash bag. Ta-da! 

Source: latina.com via Latina Magazine on Pinterest

The fit of maternity clothes is bad enough without having your crotch at your knees. 

Source: zulily.com via zulily on Pinterest

It's the attack of the abominable pregnant women! 

Seriously, we're puffy enough. 

Source: us.asos.com via Haley on Pinterest

It's like the giant parachute you used in gym class, only with sleeves. 

Source: direct.asda.com via Alicia on Pinterest

Sigh. I guess the "unnecessary billboard" phase starts before baby even arrives.

Freak Out Friday: You're Teaching your Baby Swear Words

If you thought you could wait until after baby's birth to clean up your language--particularly those moms eschewing pain meds--think again!

Turns out, baby is learning language while in the womb--and that probably includes swear words!

"In the latest study, published in the journal Acta Paediatrica, researchers tested 40 American and 40 Swedish newborns and found that the babies responded to the distinctive sounds of the language they heard before birth."

Well, that sure doesn't sound like it means much of anything. "Responding" to something doesn't mean you understand it--if someone started screaming at me in German, I'm sure I'd respond--and certainly not that you're apt to remember it and shout it out as your first word.

Let's check the original New York Times article, maybe that will clear things up:

"The babies’ understanding the difference between native and nonnative sounds could be attributed only to prenatal learning."

Learning to distinguish sounds isn't exactly parroting back Shakespeare sonnets, now is it?

A rational consideration of this information leads me to the conclusion that we're all in the clear.

Nonetheless, it's obviously time to panic.

Babies learn language in the womb. Meanwhile, you've been cursing at that asshole who refuses to use a blinker every commute since conception.

You have doomed your baby.

If you are a Good Parent, you will stop swearing immediately and start reading classic French novels to your fetus, in their original language, in an attempt to undo the horrific damage you have inflicted upon your unborn child.

How could you?!?

(Alternately, you could start teaching your child foreign swear words. Because what could be funnier than your toddler cursing at your mother-in-law in a language she doesn't speak??)

6 People Who Shouldn't Be Pro-creating

It used to be when you had questions about pregnancy, making babies, etc., you would ask your doctor or a trusted, experienced family member for advice.

But now, we have the Internet, where you can post your inane questions for the whole world to see, and to be answered by "expectant mothers" who are bored 14-year-old boys, for all you know.

These are actual questions posted on pregnancy message boards, from women who are purportedly trying to get pregnant, yet are clearly not ready to be mothers, or possibly humans--not just because of the content of the questions, but because they may actually trust the responses they get from a pack of unidentified strangers on the Internet.

My husband and I have been having sex all the right times and I do have signs but, I dont know if they are real or if they are sympathy signs because my sister in law is pregnant.  [Long list of inane "signs" that have nothing to do with pregnancy.] Could I be feeling all this because of my sister inlaw?   

 Exactly how much time are you spending with your sister-in-law?? Also, no. Take a damn pregnancy test and quit being a drama queen.

Last week I put a tampon in on a lightish day, I went to change it and it was gone! I know I put it in after I got out of the shower and there was no tampon in the trash. I reached up in there and couldn't find it. I used pads the rest of my period hoping it would come out on its own. It never did.

I did have sex after a few days ago and my DH didn't say anything. If you were me would you go to the Dr.?

You . . . thought a tampon got lost, and then proceeded to have sex. These are the kinds of smarts you should definitely be passing on to future generations! Also, why does this need to be posted to a message board full of functioning women who just want to conceive babies and not hear about your inability to keep track of your tampons?

My fertility is the first week of Feb, and I want to conceive quickly, by the end of Feb if possible, so any tidbits or hints are much appreciated and welcome. We are moving in march to our new home. I want everything all settled and done before then.

Yep, that's how conception works. If you have big move coming up, you just do it on exactly the right day--which a board full of strangers can predict for you--and BAM! Preggo! Although, gee, why is there an entire INDUSTRY dedicated to women trying to conceive if it's as easy as knowing all the "tidbits or hints" . . . ?

 

I know people have different thoughts/opinions on if the female orgasm helps getting pregnant. Well, i have never had an orgasm during sex.. And can't. So last night, DH and I finished in doggie style, I grabbed a towel to hold the juice in, and just layed on my stomach and manually . . .

Sorry about your sex problems, but a towel over your lady parts isn't going to hold anything useful in. Also, I guess it's none of my business, but couldn't your husband be being a little more . . . helpful?

I've read that boxer briefs can really lower sperm count which my DH wears. I'm worried that this may a cause a problem w us TTC. We're ready to have a BFP but read that it takes 12 weeks to create new sperm. Worried this may cause problems w us TTC.

 

1) You've just started trying and you're already worried about something as inane as underwear?

2) 12 weeks?? That's a lifetime! This is clearly an emergency--you can't be expected to wait 3 whole months to get pregnant!

3) Buy your husband some new freaking underwear if you're that concerned. Problem solved! 

 

If someone sneezes in your vagina, can you get a cold? Assuming the sneezer has a cold, of course. 

...what?

 

Note: yes, it is entirely possible that these 6 women trying to conceive are actually Internet trolls. Lord, I hope so.

5 Reasons it's Better to be a Pregnant Cat

As this is my first pregnancy, it might shock you to know that I don't really know a whole lot about human pregnancies and human babies. 

What I do know is cats. 

My mother, being the irresponsible pet owner that she is, was constantly bringing un-spayed cats into our home, and then letting them roam about the neighborhood, resulting in a constant stream of pregnancies and kittens.

Irresponsible, but adorable. 

Comparing my current situation with the many cat pregnancies I lived through growing up, I can also tell you that it's a lot better to be a pregnant cat than a pregnant human.

Human gestation: 38 weeks (plus those first 2 weeks they tack on when you're totally NOT pregnant).

Cat gestation: 9 weeks. 

It's practically over before it starts! I know, I know, we could have it as bad as elephants and be pregnant for 2 years, but that actually brings me to my next point, something elephants and cats have in common.

Humans: 2 legs

Cats (and elephants): 4 legs

Being bipedal means all the pressure from the baby is exerted on a very sensitive area. Four legs = less pressure on the groin area. So probably none of those shooting inner thigh pains where it feels like your leg is going to collapse under you.

Human nutrition: Obnoxious dietary restrictions

Cat nutrition: Regular diet

Cats can consume whatever they usually consume, and spoiled house pets will probably get some treats, like milk. I've spent the last 8 months staring longingly at people's wine glasses, second-guessing most foods, and have now entered a phase where the only thing that sounds edible on a regular basis is cereal.

 

Human interactions: Barrage of unsolicited advice.

Cat interactions: Don't speak English.

Not only do cats not have mother-in-laws to annoy them with endless commentary about their gestational decisions, even if my mother-in-law attempted to advise a cat about her pregnancy, she'd just meow and wander off because she wouldn't understand a word of it. And also, it's standard, acceptable cat behavior to ignore anyone who annoys them. Lucky ducks.

Human partner: husband always nosing about, getting the way.

Cat partner: baby daddy who?

Cats are the love 'em and leave 'em sort. Humans are arguably a bit more bonded, which is generally considered a good thing. And yet . . . am I the only one irrationally irritated by my husband's perfectly normal behavior? He's actually been amazing; I'm just  . . . 8 months pregnant.

Bonus point:

Human babies: Need to wait a while for a return on your investment.

Kittens: Adorable and fun to play with by 4 weeks old.

We all love our children, but let's face it: newborns don't do much. They eat and sleep and poo and cry, and generally require a lot of help from mom and dad before they really start being fun. Kittens, on the other hand, are kinda blob-like for a few weeks, but by 4 weeks old are running around, playing, tripping over each other, chasing their tails and being adorable little fluff balls. 

I guess you can argue that the long term rewards of human babies are greater, but I'm willing to bet that during those first few weeks, I'll be thinking wistfully of kittens on more than one occasion.

... and 5 Pretty Cute Ones

Source: etsy.com via Eliza on Pinterest

Tee hee. Right.

Source: Uploaded by user via Karin on Pinterest

Win!

Source: clothingimpulse.com via ClothingImpulse on Pinterest

Or

Source: clothingimpulse.com via ClothingImpulse on Pinterest

Both winners.

Source: etsy.com via Kaytlyn on Pinterest

A bit fru-fru, but still cute.

Source: etsy.com via

For the Chosen One . . . 's best friend.

Pinspiration: 5 Creeptastic Onesies for your Baby . . .

Babies: little mobile billboards, sharing information with the world that the world would rather they didn't. 

Source: thinknsmile.com via Billy on Pinterest

Exhibit A 

WHY???? 

Source: themetapicture.com via Helen on Pinterest

Ugh.

Source: designer.inktastic.com via Abby on Pinterest

Is this funny if you're a college football fan? Probably not.

Source: moms.today.com via Brittany on Pinterest

Thanks for sharing! Or, you know, NOT.

Freak Out! What you're doing wrong this week.

Whether it's your mother-in-law, best friend or the mailman, someone is always at hand to tell you exactly what it is you're doing wrong with your baby.

This week, you may just be a horrible parent exposing your baby to MOLD!

"Fisher-Price Newborn Rock`N Play Sleeper Recall: 800,000 Recliner Seats Recalled Due To Mold Risk"

Dear God, that's horrible! Those poor babies!

Let's explore a little further, shall we?

"Mold can develop between the removable seat cushion and the hard plastic frame if the sleeper remains wet or is infrequently cleaned." 

...

Let me get this straight. 

If you leave plastic damp, and then wrap it up in a synthetic cover, you're telling me mold can grow in there?? MOLD?? On wet plastic surrounded by non-breathable synthetic fabric??

Get out of town!

And I just can't believe that when you don't clean things often enough, they might get moldy--that's crazy talk! 

"If mold is found, they are advised to immediately stop using the product and to contact Fisher-Price for cleaning instructions or further assistance."

Here are your cleaning instructions, no phone call necessary: clean your kids' stuff! Often! Possibly with bleach! And then dry it thoroughly!

And if you can't be bothered to clean your kids' stuff, quit calling Fisher Price to complain that their products aren't made of adamantium and completely indestructible.

"But Kristen," you say, "not a drop of a water has touched my RnP, and it's still moldy!"

And to that I say, what exactly do you think that humidifier you keep in baby's room is designed to do? That's right, add moisture to the air. So if it feels like a Florida summer in there, maybe turn it down a bit.

Mom-saver Mondays: Clinique All About Eyes Serum

Can I tell you for the 837th time that new moms--or any moms, really--don't get a lot of sleep? 

And you know who else doesn't always sleep well? Pregnant ladies.

Aside from frequently waking up bathed in a cold sweat, having a complete panic attack about impending parenthood, you're also uncomfortable, and possibly in pain. And have to pee. 

All together, this leads to a lot of interrupted sleep. You might be in bed for 8 hours, but if you're waking up every time you roll over, the proportion of that time spent sleeping is far less.

If you're a new mom, you might get anywhere from 6-12 weeks to spend at home with your newborn, free to look like hell. If you're still pregnant or have already rejoined the workforce, though, you generally have to leave the house every single day with your shirt tucked in, hair brushed and face as un-terrifying as possible.

This stuff is a lifesaver.

(Or a mom-saver, as I've noted in the post title.)

Clinique All About Eyes Serum

De-puffing Eye Massage

The first thing to love is that silver roller ball. It's cooling, soothing that puffy feeling that makes you want to wander about with your eyes closed for all eternity.

(Probably more so if you, say, chill it in the fridge for a few minutes, rather than leaving it in the bathroom while your husband takes a year-long shower, creating enough steam to power a small boat.)

It instantly makes you feel more human.

Add to that the effects of the serum itself, which, in a matter of minutes, de-puffs and brightens your entire eye area, and you'll soon find you can't live without it.

At $28, it's no bargain, but I recommend you work it into your budget. 

(I'll also add that I've been using my current tube almost every day since late November, and it's still nearly full, so the quantity of product you receive for that price is quite fair.)

Try it and you may never hear those 3 horrific little words again:

"You look tired."

Note: I have not been compensated in any way for this review. I have not been given a free product, as lovely as that would be. In the future, should you want to offer me things for free to review, go for it. For now, anything I review was paid for out of my own pocket, and I offer the review out of the goodness of my heart.

...and 7 Pretty Cute Ones.

Source: hostingessence.com via Blake on Pinterest

Decorate blocks--a sweet and usable keepsake. 

Source: projectnursery.com via Mikayla on Pinterest

Milk and cookies shower treat--yum. No need to eat a baby's face! 

Source: bing.com via Destiny on Pinterest

 Punch! Let's get some booze in there for the non-preggo guests. 

Source: thebabyshowershop.com.au via The Baby Shower Shop on Pinterest

Sweet and simple invites. If the hostess has nice handwriting, you're good to go. 

Source: ebabyshowergames.com via Chelsea on Pinterest

A (FREE printable!) game that's actually related to babies--and has the potential for hilarious answers as guests scramble to fill in all letters. 

Source: coolest-baby-shower-idea.com via The Baby Shower Shop on Pinterest

Lip balm will never, ever go to waste. 

Source: phar-ma.com via Jamie on Pinterest

Try these "diaper babies"  instead of a diaper cake--bizarre yet adorable! Because, googly eyes.